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he's breaking up with me.....i don't know if its' gonna be tomarrow,
or the next day or when. our 1 month is in two days, and i feel like
shit cos i think he's losing complete and utter interest in me. i
mean....i just did my rune thingy and they said a parting of way is at
hand. and i feel like shit because my mom ususally see's things before
they happen.....she did when james broke up with me. and now she's
asking all these questions....
AND I"M LYING TO HER@!!! i'm like in complete denial...i feel like
he's losing interest.....i feel like he doesn't want to be with me anymore
and i'm denying it.
i dont' know how i feel really....i mean he was with me tonght...even though
we were "out" on the town.....he was with me...he had my ring on and everything
when i got there. but i drove by once....and maybe he saw me do that
and then put it on cos he' knew i'd stop the next time i came around the
little loop thingy. but .....he missed me when i was gone.....he
went out but he was missing me and everyone apparantly could tell.
I want what angi has....i want what crystal has.....i don't wnat
this....i don't want this fear. why do i have to fee like this every
fucking time. why do i always have to sit and analyze things to the
point of exhaustion.....and then i get scared. why can't i just let
it go and have fun with what i've got instead of trying to make it to be
soo much so quick?????
maybe cos i like the way he holds me......and i was so used to seeing
someone every single day for 11 months and i'm still not over it.
james never made me get a life...ryan is going to make me get a life with
him as well as without him. i'm so afraid of losing him.
and i really don't know why....there's just something about him that like
draws me too him.....always has. it's like theres something written
in the stars or something....or something just keeps pulling us together....i
mean.....i dunno, everything happens for a reason. and i guess this
is happening to me now and i guess i'll find out what it's happening for
sooner or later....