august 8, 1999
jon is amazing.......jon is fucking amazing......wow.......i like honestly cannot say the words to describe what this boy does to me.......it's not like...that stupid tying my insides in knots cos i'm afraid of him.......he like makes me want to do kartwheels, i just want to like grab him and like squeeze him so much.  oh my god.....wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

his eyes are sooo pretty and he's so just ..... god he is so fucking sexy!!!!!  and he's soooo sweet....it just amazes the hell out of me......he's so real....i mean he sits there and talks about anna and like these other girls and he's just so amazing with how he feels......and like tonight before he left he just looked right at me and was like "you have no idea how long i've waited to be with you..."  and then he just hugged me...

and once again i had to push back the frickin urge to just blurt out "god i love you".  cos yeah that is like WAAAAYYY too soon.....and for once in my life i am NOT going to do anything to fuck this relationship up. 

he is amazing......oh my god, i can't believe how.....wow......there are no words to describe this feeling...there aren't.....i got off the phone with him and.....and my god he like calls me at 1:00 in the morning when he gets home and he's just seen me.......ahhh!!!!!!!!!!  there are no words....there aren't.

I constantly smile when i'm with him...he's so funny...he's sooo sweet....soooooo sweet....and he's soooo damn adorable.....oh my god.  all i want to do is like hold him and just hug him extensivly....wowowowowow.....this just amazes me beyond comprehension!!!!!  i can't believe how much this feeling of....like/love whatever it is just up and overwhelmed me.

i mean they say absences makes the heart grow fonder.....and he was gone in a week and the first thing he did when he got home....was just like he said he would.....he came and saw me.  well not the first thing....but one of the first things.  and we went to blair witch....which by the way was a brilliant and totally kick ass movie.....and he's just so fucking amazing!!! wowowowoowowowoowowoowowowoow....

wowowoow....JON IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!  wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowow!!!!


Kristy forwarded this to me...well i wont' reprint the entire letter just a few parts of it......a few parts that made me smile. 
"I just got done reading everything and I mean EVERYTHING on stacies home
page and I was blown away. That wonderful little girl has gone through a lot
in her life and she deserves what ever she wants. You mean a lot to her and
have done a lot for her and I just wanted to thank you for that...."

that was just really REALLY sweet......i have been through a lot but it's been nothing that i can't handle.  and i don't deserve whatever i want....i've done a lot of really bad shit in my life too.....i mean.....i'm very selfish.......i know i'm selfish and i try so hard not to be but i know i am.  and almost everyone that knows me well knows i am too....and it's the quality i hate most about myself but i guess i can't change it. 

seth norris sent that to kristy.....and he was dead on serious and right.  Kristy means the world to me....means the fucking world to me.  Her and Angi are like my two angels.....if there was anything that i could do for them i would drop my life in there hands and say here take it cos you deserve it more than me.  those two are my angels.....and i owe them soooo much...probably much more than i'll ever be able to repay...but i owe them monumentously.......so seth hit it right on....he was right. 

"I know exactly how she feels and I wish there was someone there for me like
she had you. You should get a mettle or something :) "

seth so cannot spell it's cute =)))). 

"I know with you in her corner she will always be ok thanks."

and he's right...he's totally right.  as long as i have kristy and angi for my best friends......i'll be okay becasue they are sooo great and so wonderful it's not even funny.

and just the fact that seth would take the time to right that about me impresses me alot.  and i kinda feel bad cos i know he likes me........and yeah i like him too, as a friend.  he's a great guy...really.  but there's nothing there as for a romantic attraction....and i guess i shouldn't feel guilty about that...what can i do.......but i do feel bad cos i know where he's comign from.

but there is someone out there for everyone....


and right now my someone is jon.  cos he literally amazes the fuck out of me...he leaves me speachless and shy and amazed beyond words can express!!!!. 

i know i'm gonna fall in love with him.....i just know i'm going to fall in love with him.

and for the first time in my life......i can't wait.  i cannot wait to fall in love with him.......because he actually deserves to have me fall in love with him.  cos he is soo great...and so wonderful...and just everything....

  <--and he's sooooo fucking cute =))).  AND HE ALWAYS SMELLS SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!  ackk!!!

he's perfect...perfect perfect perfect.